The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

If you’ve read my last post you might not be surprised to see why I watched this ‘movie’ at this time. It’s not really a movie to be honest. It’s Mark Manson, the author of the book, talking about his book. It’s like a visual version of a narrated book, though, just to reassure you it’s not a narration of the whole book and it’s certainly not Jackanory!

The film consists of Manson sitting at a table in what seems to be a very messy and cluttered room. That was a big distraction for me. He appeared to have a decanter and part filled glass of whiskey in front of him. I can’t believe he was drinking this whilst recording but who knows? (It wasn’t branded so it wasn’t as if it was even product placement, unusually these days – every actor seems to drink neat whisky all the time!) When the shots aren’t of Manson in his black t-shirt they’re showing old photos of him, reconstructions of him in earlier years or slightly weird arty bollocks, that to take his advice, I didn’t give a f*ck for.

The room, the drink and the arty bollocks aside, this is a good watch. It is thought provoking, around the themes of entitlement, relationships, change, responsibility, commitment and death. Manson himself describes, what might for some be, a slow-ish coming of age, but he has good reason to take his time, and he’s reflected on all that.

It would be easy to be critical of what gives Manson the authority to say what he does, and I don’t know that his personal academic credentials give him kudos to spout, but that’s not really relevant. He has sold a lot of books and made this story a New York Times Bestseller and now a movie. That kinda gives him enough credibility and if you just watch it, or read it you can decide if it rings true to you.

There’s no doubt that a lot of social media is about selling, and about creating conflict, because that in itself seems to ‘sell’ more. Twitter has become the place for the latter, though in itself it seems to have failed to monetise that and mid 2023, the world is waiting to see if Twitter survives. Facebook and Instagram certainly seem to have more of a feel of look at my fantastic life, and in some that will create a feeling of entitlement.

Manson points out that the majority of us are ‘normal’. We have family disputes, disputes with friends and often life sucks, but why did we expect it to be otherwise? It it because the sense of an entitlement to something better pervades? He argues we have to get real and learn that our normal lives with ups and downs, are….the norm and we’d better take responsibility and do what we can to make the best of it, coz otherwise you’re just gonna lose a lot of time being grumpy, and then you die.

Manson describes two interesting concepts. First Manson’s Law of Avoidance. He made it up because he says he wanted to have a Law named after him, and whilst it’s not as vital to existence as some of the Laws of Physics it is useful. Manson’s Law of avoidance is:

We will avoid something in proportion to how much it can affect our identity.

I’d rephrase to ‘the willingness to change is directly related to the impact that change will have on whoever is changing’. You’ll have to think about whether you see this as true in yourself or people you know.

Disappointment Panda is a superhero who’s superpower is to tell people the harsh truth about themselves – so that they can come to terms with it and take action. While that might at first sound more like a villain than a hero, Mark might be onto something.

As Lisa Jansen describes ‘he argues that we need to stop hiding from the negative stuff in our lives and about ourselves and instead start to embrace them’.

Jansen lists many of Manson’s suggestions:

• Suffering and pain are inherent parts of human nature. Suffering is nature’s way to inspire change. Pain helps us pay attention and teaches us valuable lessons. Avoiding pain means we’re missing out on those lessons.
• Don’t hope for a life without problems. Hope for a life with good problems.
• True happiness comes from finding the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving – Don’t avoid problems, find good ones.
• Negative emotions are a call to action. When you feel them it’s because you are supposed to do something

My late mother always had a bit of chip on her shoulder. She was jealous of anyone who seemingly was doing better than her whether it be money, property, holidays, cars and so on. It didn’t consume her but it damaged relationships at times and made her unhappy. She consoled herself with cake and ice-cream. Ironically as dementia set in she got happier and accepted her lot. Sadly I think the cake and ice-cream, the lack of physical exercise, inevitable obesity, long standing hypertension and finally atrial fibrillation sped up the vascular dementia that killed her. She had made it from a working class family with a poor start in life, into the British middle class, with her career and her own successful family. She had a lot to celebrate, but it wasn’t enough. Even before the days of social media she drooled over magazines of the rich and famous doing things she could only dream of. She lost perspective, at times, of what was normal. We certainly had challenges (who doesn’t?). They just were not a sufficient call to action for her her. We were very normal.

The film is interesting, amusing in parts and thought provoking. I’d give it 4/5. It’s not ridiculously long (1hr 37mins) so you’ll get your normal life back pretty quickly after. Enjoy!

Prefer to read the book? 👇